I have recently found a t.v. show that helps me to keep on track with my budget and my financial goal (becoming debt free). That show: Til Debt Do Us Part - a show that my DVR records for me while I am away at work. It seems to be based in Europe, Canada and the northeast. A life planner, Gail Vaz-Oxlade, goes to a couple's residence, takes a look around, checks out their debt and the issues that have led them to it, and gives them a month to learn how to live new lives with three weeks consisting of two financial challenges and one relationship challenge, all the while reducing their debt. If, at the end of a month Gail is happy with the family's progress and they successfuly utilize a budget and take positive steps toward minimizing their debts, Gail gives them a check for no more than $5,000.00, and usually a weekend package away, to help with the relationship.
I enjoy it. Usually there is a spender: someone who is blissfully ignorant and digs the family deeper and deeper in debt. Then there is the person who feels that the whole world rests on their shoulders, however is not able to confront the other about their behavior. Gail helps to bring the two together and usually helps them to get on a game plan using canning jars to help visualize the budget (similar to Dave's Envelope System), and a budget binder, where the couple has to write down their spending to bring accountability to the relationship.
Almost every day I sit here on my couch and watch the show, all the while re-considering my budget and trying to get new ideas about how I can improve my plan and somehow get to my goal faster. It helps me to stay focused, letting me see directly how debt effects families and relationships, reminding me of why I want to become debt free. I see the sadness in the families, the tears the couples shed are real and sometimes heart-broken. While my relationship is no way near being on solid, unshakable ground, I would like to think that we are much stronger than those featured in the show. We have definitely had our problems, and I have recently learned that I coped with our issues by spending money I did not have. Thankfully, through my readings and studying my behavior and feelings, I have realized this. And DH and I have started back, together, on the journey of our life. I do not want to end up like the couples on the show, nearing the end of our marriage and in a horrible spiral out of control.
It's funny, if you think about it. How watching a simple t.v. show can make a difference in your life, such as this one has made in mine. DH even sits and watches it with me, when he's home. And we sit there and watch it, together. Sometimes I catch him stealing glances at me, especially when one of the show's subjects has admitted their sadness is caused by an unrealized behavior of the other. We were doing the same thing, and we have finally realized our wrong-doing, and vocalized it.
We know now what we were doing caused the other pain, and we try hard now to make sure that if even for a fleeting second, we make the other know that we are still there, and we love eachother. A simple grab of the hand, a tight hug, a note on the bathroom mirror or favorite cookies picked up on the way home. Something simple. Even staying up late with eachother to drink tea and laugh about something the kids did earlier that day.
Money is supposed to be the number one cause of divorce. Money issues come from a lack of communication. Lack of communication comes from being insecure - afraid of how the other person would react. But, we must learn to take that fear and have faith in our spouse that they will consider the problem, the pain, and be strong to help pull to you both out of the hole that can lead to debt, and to divorce.
Wow. Not exactly where I planned on going with telling you about one of my favorite shows...but insightful into myself.
1 comment:
It is indeed an interesting show but like all other finance shows, books, and seminars I have seen it fails to explain how to continue getting debt free when the "oh my gods" of life occur. About the time a person has the budget going well and debts getting paid down a car engine blows up, a wreck happens and you have a $500 deductible, someone gets sick bad and of course your insurance only pays 80%, and the medicine you need isn't available in generic form leaving you with a huge prescription bill.
The result is you end up tapping the credit lines again. This is what leads to the age old "rich get richer and poor get poorer" line.
Some of her "clients" make me sick too as they make so much money anyway that their "plight" isn't relatable to many of us at all. One couple for example she helped to budget so they still had a $5000 in spending cash. Yes that is 3 zero's.
Until a show/book/etc... covers these very real and all too frequent scenarios it will continue to fall on deaf ears or be completely irrelevant to them.
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