Eleven

Tomorrow is my anniversary.

We have been married 11 years.

It's almost unbelievable, thinking about it right now. How can that be??? That would mean I'm old right, because I was young when we got married. Can it really be that long?

Uh, yes. We do have a child in 5th grade...

It's been a journey, that's for sure. I'm really not sure how we've made it this far. It's really quite amazing, now that I'm sitting here, thinking about it.

We've been through a lot together. We've experienced a lot of pain and heartbreak...but, we have had some good times, some great moments.

I often read the little blurbs that AOL and MSN post - how to know if you're man is really interested, secrets to a great marriage...you know...those relationship posts from professional journalists. The ones that many of us read hoping for something new, something that will really rock us and make us say "I'm going to start doing that today!" so that we don't fall into the number game of what the odds are we will get divorced.

But really, if someone asked me what my secret is, what would I say?

What would I say?

Be patient, but don't be a door mat.

Be firm, but not unbreakable.

Yes, they will change, it's called evolution. It's called "growing up". Deal with it.

Remember that your relationships need nurturing. Like a plant, it needs food and water, and the sun. For so many of us, this is the number one thing we forget, expecting that our spouse will always be there. But, like lots learn, sometimes that spouse gets tired of waiting for attention...and leaves.

Honestly, for me, it's the little things that keep me here...waiting the long wait while my husband is off working. It's the little things that kept me here while we battled through our wars that were threatening to rip our marriage apart.

Little things, like the way he plays with my hair when we are sitting on the couch. Little things like notes on Post-Its left in my make up box or in the center console of the truck. Chocolate hidden in my underwear drawer, because truly that is the only place the kids won't look. Framing our results at the May Fair Shoot Out, where I totally kicked his butt, despite the fact that he shot better than I did when we were in the military. Cutting my steak, because without him I'd have to become a vegetarian. Little things, like knowing exactly how to make me laugh, even though I'm trying my hardest to be an unemotional rock. Little things, like when I overhear him on the phone telling his buddy that he needs to talk to his "girl"...because, before becoming his wife, the mother of his children, I was just that, his "girl".

Life can be short, with all my heart I hope it's long. We might not have some grand adventure at some exotic beach, traveling the streets of some far away town...but, we have our memories. Memories of working on our cars together, laughing at burnt beans. Remembering when we were absolutely broke and first married, where our fun came from playing video games and researching baseball cards. Remembering how we felt when we moved into our house, our first house, and freaking out because Thanksgiving was two days away, and I couldn't remember which box the pots were in. The birth of our children, both traumatic for him.

I hope I do get to spend more time with my husband. I have learned to cherish our moments together because I've learned that life is way too short, and can be snatched from us in a second. I hope we have another decade, plus more, God willing, with him and our family.

To another day!

He Did It! He Paid A Credit Card Off!

Actually, I did it. He hates the budget. But, he knows it makes me happy, and it was part of our deal. Three months of budget and then we can discuss his debt his way.

But, here's a kicker for you fellow budget-freaks and penny pinchers: I've managed to funnel away enough money to pay off a credit card that will start incurring interest in October. I am hoping that his hours will continue to be plentiful and I can build his savings up and pay off that card, plus another one, I have just a few short weeks left.

DH is not that excited. He just shrugs it off. He said it's not a big deal since the payment was only $17.00...but in my eyes...$17.00 more to stash towards the next debt and one less credit card to worry about.

PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!! My dear husband, irregardless of your stubborness and your lack of enthusiasm for paying off debt, I am quite proud of you.

Til Debt Do Us Part

I have recently found a t.v. show that helps me to keep on track with my budget and my financial goal (becoming debt free). That show: Til Debt Do Us Part - a show that my DVR records for me while I am away at work. It seems to be based in Europe, Canada and the northeast. A life planner, Gail Vaz-Oxlade, goes to a couple's residence, takes a look around, checks out their debt and the issues that have led them to it, and gives them a month to learn how to live new lives with three weeks consisting of two financial challenges and one relationship challenge, all the while reducing their debt. If, at the end of a month Gail is happy with the family's progress and they successfuly utilize a budget and take positive steps toward minimizing their debts, Gail gives them a check for no more than $5,000.00, and usually a weekend package away, to help with the relationship.

I enjoy it. Usually there is a spender: someone who is blissfully ignorant and digs the family deeper and deeper in debt. Then there is the person who feels that the whole world rests on their shoulders, however is not able to confront the other about their behavior. Gail helps to bring the two together and usually helps them to get on a game plan using canning jars to help visualize the budget (similar to Dave's Envelope System), and a budget binder, where the couple has to write down their spending to bring accountability to the relationship.

Almost every day I sit here on my couch and watch the show, all the while re-considering my budget and trying to get new ideas about how I can improve my plan and somehow get to my goal faster. It helps me to stay focused, letting me see directly how debt effects families and relationships, reminding me of why I want to become debt free. I see the sadness in the families, the tears the couples shed are real and sometimes heart-broken. While my relationship is no way near being on solid, unshakable ground, I would like to think that we are much stronger than those featured in the show. We have definitely had our problems, and I have recently learned that I coped with our issues by spending money I did not have. Thankfully, through my readings and studying my behavior and feelings, I have realized this. And DH and I have started back, together, on the journey of our life. I do not want to end up like the couples on the show, nearing the end of our marriage and in a horrible spiral out of control.

It's funny, if you think about it. How watching a simple t.v. show can make a difference in your life, such as this one has made in mine. DH even sits and watches it with me, when he's home. And we sit there and watch it, together. Sometimes I catch him stealing glances at me, especially when one of the show's subjects has admitted their sadness is caused by an unrealized behavior of the other. We were doing the same thing, and we have finally realized our wrong-doing, and vocalized it.

We know now what we were doing caused the other pain, and we try hard now to make sure that if even for a fleeting second, we make the other know that we are still there, and we love eachother. A simple grab of the hand, a tight hug, a note on the bathroom mirror or favorite cookies picked up on the way home. Something simple. Even staying up late with eachother to drink tea and laugh about something the kids did earlier that day.

Money is supposed to be the number one cause of divorce. Money issues come from a lack of communication. Lack of communication comes from being insecure - afraid of how the other person would react. But, we must learn to take that fear and have faith in our spouse that they will consider the problem, the pain, and be strong to help pull to you both out of the hole that can lead to debt, and to divorce.

Wow. Not exactly where I planned on going with telling you about one of my favorite shows...but insightful into myself.

She Eloped!

A friend of mine ran away to get married today. She actually left on Wednesday night. And if I remember right, she and her beau were to be married this evening, at sunset.

I laugh to think about it, running away to get married. Her parents know, and I know. Everyone else will find out when the newlyweds get back. She wanted something private and simple. I completely understand. Because that is what marriage is: nothing else matters except for you and your spouse. Who cares what anyone else says or does. Concentrate on eachother. It is from this moment on, you two together against the world. Join hands and go!

I am happy for her, excited for her. I know to some it doesn't mean a lot, especially for those who only live together. But, it is a big deal. It is a huge committment and despite all the drama and troubles that are so frequently whined about, it can be great.

I wish you the best, my friend. I can't wait for you to get back to see the ring he designed. I hope all your dreams of the past and those to come do come true, and, I hope that this week (and next, lucky you!!) are as relaxing and re-energizing as you have hoped.

Congratulations!

"I Now Pronounce You..."

Over the weekend DH and I attended the wedding of an old military friend.

I was initially hesitant to go, our own relationship has had some cloudy days and I wasn't sure how I felt about the friend and what might happen at the wedding or the reception.

Despite my doubts, I purchased a nice dress and an outfit for DS. I helped DH pick out a nice pair of slacks, shirt, and tie. We packed our stuff and headed out to the coast.

We were surprised to find out that the wedding truly was on the beach, we had kind of tossed around the idea that maybe it was at some sort of gazebo off of the beach, but no, it was there, in the sand, a few feet from the water with the tide creeping in every second.

We met with old acquaintances and friends, some handshakes reminding of the bond we share from our military days, some just simple "civilian" handshakes, a gesture of assimilation but lacking emotion or character. (If you have ever served, you know what I mean.)

The ceremony was nice - a statement was made, vows were said, a prayer for the new couple and their future, and the introduction. Lots of laughing, lots of cheers.

The reception was at a great spanish-style restaurant. Good food and good company. I enjoyed myself and my family, minus my DD unfortunately.

To Rocio and Jaime - may you learn to grow together as individuals that make a great team. May you fight through the darkest moments and slowly cherish each and every breath, no matter how heated. Time passes incredibly quickly and if you never stop to look back, you will never know where you came from. Congratulations.